


Fallout

by AlgaeNymph



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-14 11:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4562130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlgaeNymph/pseuds/AlgaeNymph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reimu and Marisa have just prevented a radioactive goddess from annihilating Gensokyo.  Such an event requires Yukari to clean up afterward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Radiation Sickness

    Eirin was in one of Eientei’s monitoring rooms — having several in case she or an assistant need to access them quickly — which could charitably be called cozy if one didn’t mind a two meter semicircle crammed with a wraparound monitor and dedicated servers.  The screen was split into several, showing various areas in Gensokyo being monitored by Eientei’s surveillance.  Eirin was looking at none of those, instead focusing on a map of Gensokyo’s seismic activity.

    Eirin herself technically didn’t need the rooms, being able to access any data remotely from her communication implant, but Eirin found information overlaid on her vision too distracting to focus on anything else.  Also, she unconsciously enjoyed the solitude of the monitoring room.

    A gap opened right above Eirin, Yukari’s face popping out near-instantly.

    “Reimu and Marisa have radiation poisoning, prepare treatment for them immediately!”

    Eirin scowled, but her medical instincts were stronger than her desire to attack Yukari.  She used her communicator to check for her assistants: Reisen was in the Human Village selling medicine, Tewi was fortifying the Bamboo forest.  _I can’t blame them for doing their jobs, but I wish I wouldn’t have to involve Kaguya,_ Eirin thought as she mentally transmitted to Kaguya’s communicator.

     _Kaguya, prepare two pods for radiation sickness and send them to an isolated room now,_ she transmitted. 

 _Hurry, pick up so I can get Yukari out of here,_ she thought. 

    The Hourai Elixer, unfortunately, prevented cybernetic implantation while it was active, and Eirin was not so eager to experiment on her companion as she was on herself, so Kaguya had to waste precious seconds with an external communicator.  _Times like this I regret finding free-willed AI aesthetically displeasing,_ Eirin thought.

    -beep-

     _Message received._

    Along with the confirmation notice, Eirin’s tracker identified Kaguya as rushing out of her room.

    Eirin pushed her chair back so she wouldn’t have to strain her neck.  Yukuari stuck the rest of her head through, upside down.  “A medbay’s being prepped,” Eirin said, “now tell me the specifics behind your intrusion.”

    Yukari’s face was still serious, and not at all her usual mocking self.  “Reimu and Marisa fought the reincarnated Yatagarasu.  It was a spell card duel, but the fool hell raven didn’t control the radiation.  My powers could only protect them from the worst.  At least they didn’t burn or cook.”

    Eirin crossed her arms.  “I take it Miss Patchouli has no means of treating the patients?”

    Yukari let out an exasperated breath.  “She says she’ll have a means within a day.  She’ll be able to decontaminate your equipment, at the very least.”

    Eirin sat rigidly still, staring hard at Yukari, not even fidgeting.  “Can she _replace_ my equipment?  I’m going to have to use hylonano just to prevent assembly errors, not to mention having to replace the computronium in my pods-”

    “I’ve provide replacement materials, all right?”

    Eirin’s posture softened, and her eyes widened, just a bit.  “Very, this is the first time you’ve offered anything.”

    Yukari’s expression became stoic.  “If the Hakurei bloodline goes, so does your haven from the Lunarians.”

    Eirin leaned forward.  “And I’m to believe you don’t have an understudy for the Hakurei Maiden?  And what of her magician friend?  Why would you care for her welfare?”

    “I want to keep experienced incident resolvers as active, and therefore alive, as long as possible.”

    “You’re a good liar, and I can see right through you,” Eirin said, smiling slightly.  “You care for Reimu as a person, and know that Marisa is vital to her sanity.”

    The expression on Yukari’s face became the usual mocking smirk.  “I care about her competency, and know that her performance will suffer without her equally competent friend.”

    Eirin returned Yukari’s smirk.  “I’ve investigated you since that prank my people call the Second Genso-Lunar War.  You’re capable of love, completely atypical of your species.”

    “I’m my own species, a unique youkai of boundaries,” Yukari said with a straight face.

    “You’re also a pathological liar, _highly_ typical of your species.

    Another gap opened, and Yukari’s gloved arm slinked out.  She propped it under her chin.  “And just what point are you trying to make with your woefully incorrect boasts of having me totally figured out?”

    “That you’re motivated by love just as I am, but are too insane to see that as anything but a weakness.”

    “Incorrect again, as I’m the sanest person in Gensokyo, if not the world. I _will_ admit to being utterly prideful.”

    “Which you know is the usual reason for concealing one’s weaknesses, meaning you tacitly acknowledge the love you overtly deny.”

    “If I didn’t have business elsewhere, we could go on like this all night.”

    Eirin casually sat up out of her chair.  “No, because you just demonstrated you’ve nothing left to counter my argument with.”

    “I should introduce you to Internet culture sometime, you’d fit right in.”

    “Now you’re reduced to insults.”  Eirin turned to leave the room-

    “You have a point, I’d prefer to skip straight to the angry sex.”

    -and suddenly stopped.  “Don’t you have more important things to worry about?”

    Yukari giggled.  “And now _you’ve_ got nothing.”

    “I’m going to check in with Kaguya,” Eirin said as she opened to door to exit the monitor room.  “I assume you’ll be able to figure out what room to send the patients to?”

    “One way or another,” Yukari said, just before sinking back into her gaps.

    * * *

    Elsewhere, in a small room, bare but for the facade of traditional Japanese paneling, two new gaps opened.  Reimu and Marisa stumbled out, but quickly got their footing.  They were both breathing deeply, and Reimu was holding her stomach.

    Marisa looked around.  “What’s the big idea?  First we’re gapped into a cave while Patchy talks at me about how I’m gonna die of poison energy.  Now we’re some bare room in Eientei.”  Marisa took a breath, and groaned.  “An’ to top it off, I’m startin’ to feel kinda sick, y’know?”

    Another gap opened, and Yukari’s torso rose out, right-side up.  Her face was serious.  “You two have severe radiation poisoning.  You’re already nauseous, and will die in a couple of days without treatment.”

    Marisa took a few, shallow, nervous breaths.  “I- I don’t wanna die like this!”

    “You don’t want to die at all, and you won’t,” Yukari said.  “I’ve made sure Eirin provides the best care possible.”  Marisa looked a bit calmer.

    Reimu grunted in pain.  “You mean with whatever weird machines she has, don’t you?”  Yukari nodded.  Reimu growled.  “Couldn’t you use magic instead?”

    Yukari closed her eyes and crossed her arms.  “Patchouli hasn’t invented a radiation decontamination spell yet.”  She shook her head.  “I’m not just disappointed, but honestly _surprised_ at her lack of preparation.”

    Reimu was about to ask _why_ Patchouli would be prepared for something unknown to Gensokyo, when the entrance panel to the room slid open.  Both Reimu and Marisa turned to look at what could be best described as clear eggs embedded upright in white clay, rolling in on thick wheels.  Reimu scrunched her face in disgust: the “clay” looked too fleshy for her liking.  Marisa poked at it.

    “It feels kinda like skin, yeah?”

    Reimu shuddered.

    “I have business to attend to,” Yukari said.  “Follow Eirin’s instructions and you should be fine.”  Yukari sunk back into her gap too quickly for Reimu to respond.

    Reimu felt too sick to mutter a curse anyway.

    They both started as the egg-clay-carts spoke.  “Both of you, quickly remove your clothes and step into the pods,” Eirin said.  The visible shell of the egg slid left into the fleshy clay and opened up.

    Reimu sighed, Marisa shrugged, and they both began to strip off their clothes.

    Shawl and sleeves first…

    Their breathing was getting a bit shallow.

    Then came their tops…

    Marisa kept her hat on, of course.

    Then their skirts…

    The carts spoke again.  “Your physique is impressive, Miss Hakurei,” Eirin said, “but your body fat seems worryingly low.  You’re an ape, not a rabbit.” 

    Marisa snickered. 

    Reimu scowled at the machines.  “Maybe if I were better fed, but food costs money.”  Ironically, Reimu felt too sick to eat.

    Marisa put a hand on her hip and cocked her hat, her nausea not seeming so bad now.  “An’ how about me?  Ain’t I good lookin’?”

    “You do have obviously above-average health, yes,” Eirin said, “but Reimu’s body is more remarkable.”

    Marisa snorted.  “Yer loss if I’m not good enough for ya, y’know?”  While snubbed, Marisa inwardly admitted that Eirin had a point.  Reimu had the lean muscularity of a runner, though Marisa felt that Reimu’s muscles could do with some more curves.

    Marisa leaned back on a pod and unlaced her boots.  “I should steal you some more food, Reimu.  Anyone been givin’ you grief lately?”

    Reimu stood on one leg and pulled off her sandal- “Not actively.” -then tabi.  “People don’t give me much of anything.”

    Marisa went to the other boot.  “That sucks.  Hopefully Aya’s article’ll be what wins everyone over, yeah?”

    Reimu switched to the other foot.  “I’ve saved Gensokyo from three potentially crop-destroying incidents.  I think _maybe_ the farmers are thankful, but that’s it.”

    Marisa was peeling off her bloomers now.  “Yeah, that sucks.  At least we make new friends every incident, eh?”  She pulled her right foot out-  I’m a little unsure ‘bout this one, though.” -then the left.

    Reimu pulled down her briefs. “Utsuho’s not evil, just stupid.” She quickly stepped both feet out of them.  “You saw her patterns.”

    Marisa grimaced.  “Real scary.”

    “And real simple, there were safe spots everywhere.”

    “Safe my cooked ass!”  Marisa bent forward, holding a sudden pain in her gut.

    “Please get in the pods now,” Eirin said, “your lives depend on it.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” Reimu muttered.  “How do we work these things?”

    The “eggs” in the machinery slid open.  “Simply step in,” Eirin said, “the pods will fill up, and an anesthetic will put you two to sleep for the next few days.  You’ll be completely healed by then.”

    Marisa doffed her hat onto one of the pods, then calmly stepped into it.  The back was lined with more fleshy clay, and there were dozens of holes on the sides. 

    Reimu hesitated a bit before stepping into hers. 

    The doors quickly slid closed and clicked shut.

    -beepboopbeedooleebeep-

    Startled, Reimu and Marisa quickly turned around.  The pods tilted back, and the two soon found themselves prone.

    A grey gel then streamed from the holes in the sides.

     **poom**

    Reimu kicked the walls with both feet, her breathing becoming very shallow.  “Okay, joke’s over, get me out of here!”

    Marisa tasted the gel, it was bland and grainy.  “I’m sure you know what you’re doin’, but don’cha think this is kinda sorta totally gonna drown us?”

    “No,” Eirin said, “the nanomachine gel will provide oxygen directly to the lungs.”

     **poom**

     **poom**

    Reimu was still bucking. “Get me out-” *cough* “-of here!”

    “Reimu, relax, ‘kay?  I don’t think she’s gonna hurt us.”

    “There’s no use trying to escape,” Eirin said, “not even your mother at her peak could break through, and the gel will anesthetize you within a minute.”

     **poom**

    Reimu groaned; her legs — her whole body — was too sore, and her stomach _ached_.

    Marisa scowled.  “Yer bedside manner sucks, ya know that?”

    “Yes,” Eirin said plainly.

    Marisa couldn’t tell if Eirin was serious or not, but didn’t feel like pressing the issue.  “Well, while I’m waitin’ to be conked out, mind tellin’ me why they’re called “na-no”machines?  I get they’re really tiny, so why not call them “chi-sa-na”machines?”

    “The suffix “nano” is Greek for dwarf.  Because it is a Western word-”

    “We use the delinquent’s alphabet rather than call them “kobitokikou” or somethin’, right?”

    “Crude, but astute.”

    Marisa folded her arms behind her head.  “That’s me, the delinquent prodigy!”

    Reimu winced, holding her stomach, and breathing shallowly.  “Eirin…I feel sick!”

    “Relax and take deep breaths,” Eirin said.

    Reimu breathed deeper.  Her stomach felt a bit better, but was still tense from nervousness. “I’m gonna run out of air…this thing’s full of goop…”

    Marisa took a few deep breaths, feeling bit less sick and a bit more sleepy.  “What’s gonna happen if Reimu has’ta throw up?”

    “The nanomachine gel is self-cleaning, a property of being able to take apart and repair your bodies on the molecular level.”

    Marisa felt like commenting on how her and Reimu’s bodies would be treated like chemicals, and essentially dissolved by machines, but she didn’t want to make Reimu more upset. 

    And she was soo sleepyy…

    …

    The pod continued to fill with gel, eventually totally immersing Reimu and Marisa.

    A couple of gaps opened under the piles of Reimu’s and Marisa’s shed clothing, dropping them down.  A few seconds later, another gap opened under Marisa’s hat, which had fallen of the leaning pod.

    The room was quiet, save from humming and gurgling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcanon about what youkai Yukari is, but I'm saving that revelation for the big setting-changer fic I'm planning on writing sometime maybe. So I'm not such a horrible tease, I'll give some clues to think upon. Yukari's not the lovechild of Yog-Sothoth and Nyarlathotep, and what she is (again, in headcanon) can be hopefully guessed at by looking at the broad powers of the Touhou cast.
> 
> I imagine that Kaguya's been with Eirin long enough to have learned to be a lab assistant. If nothing else, it plays against cliche. Also, Kaguya'd rather not have the Hourai Elixer uninstalled (another headcanon, particularly something I feel Eirin's capable of), so she doesn't have an comm implant like Eirin does.


	2. Hazardous Materials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukari visits the instigator of the incident, and decides if Utsuho is too much of a threat to live.

    Three figures sat in awkward silence in the middle of a barren rocky plain, surrounded by a nuclear orange glow and floating scaffolding.   Utsuho sat on the ground, her arms and wings curled around her legs.  Satori knelt in front of her.  Rin, in cat form, sat off to the side, looking back and forth between them.

    Satori looked into Utsuho’s mind with concern, her surface thought a jumble of confused remorse and dense mathematics.

    Satori heard…something to her side.  She turned to it and saw an ovoid gap in space, lace bows knotted at the ends.  Baleful red eyes stared from the void.  Appearing out of nowhere from the blackness stepped out a tall, blond woman holding a parasol in her hand and a hard expression on her face.  Her long hair was topped with a mob cap, and her white dress was covered by a purple tabard covered in trigrams. 

    Satori read many stories, and even wrote a few, about regal and imperious queens, often with social status based on indisputably powerful magic rather than birth circumstance.  Satori found her now kneeling before one…

    …and unable to sense her mind.

    Satori was about to apologize on Utsuho’s behalf-

    “Let her speak for herself, Lady Komeiji,” Yukari said.  “I am Yukari Yakumo, the Youkai Sage, and Matriarch of Gensokyo.”  She pointed her parasol at Utsuho.  “You almost killed my shrine maiden and her companion.  Explain yourself.”

    Utsuho quavered as she looked up at Yukari, breathing shallowly for a moment.  “I-I’m really sorry for hurting them, Miss Lady!  Miss Satori told me I was wrong doing what I did and I won’t do it again!”

    Yukari’s stare did not soften.  “Indeed you won’t.  **_Why_** did you think it a good idea to burn my youkai sanctuary?”

    “I don’t know!  Lots of reasons!  The sun in me wants to turn everything into the sun, and I was hungry and wanted to cook tasty humans, and people were mean to Miss Satori and all the other satoris I never met, and I wanted to make the surface warm like down here, and…I don’t know…”

    Yukari’s eye quirked a bit.  “You say you have a sun inside you,” Yukari said.  “Explain.”

    “Um, well, I was doing something, but I don’t remember ‘cause I’m stupid-”

    Satori turned to Utsuho.  “Okuu, don’t ever say that about yourself.”

    “Oh, okay, sorry.  Anyway, I was doing something when this snaky woman gave me a warm and tasty bird to eat!  She said it would make me a goddess like her, and all I had to do was generate positive net energy nuclear fusion for her.”  Utsuho blinked.  “I can say really smart words now, too!”

    Yukari squinted.  “What did this "snakey" goddess look like?”

    “Well…she was wearing red, and she had short hair that was kinda poofy-  Oh!  And she had this rope-circle-thingy behind her, with a bunch of control rods coming out, but I don’t think they’re like my control rod”

    A small gap opened by Yukari’s free hand.  She pulled a newspaper out of it and held it in front of Utsuho.  “Did she look like this?”

    Utsuho looked at the photo of Kanako.  “Yeah!  That’s her!  That’s the one!”

    Satori was leaning toward the newspaper, reading it with a glare.  “So this “Kanako Yasaka” was the one who used my pet.”

    Yukari put the newspaper back in her gap, then closed it. “A pet I’m going to have to put to sleep, I’m afraid.”

    Satori’s eyes widened in shock, tears welling up.  She turned to Yukari.  “Don’t!  Oh, gods, please don’t!”

    Yukari’s expression was neutral.  “It was gods that put her in this predicament, so I wouldn’t ask for their help.  Or me; begging is beneath you.”  Yukari saw the kasha pad out of her facial field of vision, but willed her eyes not to follow.  “I, however, can assure you that Utsuho’s death will be painless: two internal gaps to realms of annihilation, inverted, inside her heart and brain.  She’ll only experience a second of sensory confusion at most, if at all.  I strongly advice you two to say your goodbyes to each other now.”

    Rin, now in humanoid form, was crouching behind Yukari.  “I don’t think Miss Yuyuko would like that, ma’am.”

    Yukari didn’t bother turning around.  “You know this _how?_ ”

    Rin gave a big smile, tilting her head, steadily waiving her tail.  “I sometimes go to the Netherworld to catch me some ghosties that shouldn’t be there, and I like to say hi to Miss Yuyuko while I’m there.”  Rin’s catlike grin was archetypical.  “She’s a great hostess, and likes to chat a lot.  She always mentions you at least once, so I figured you two’re good friends.  She seems like such a nice lady, so-”

    “You figured you’d invoke her name in the hope she convince me to spare Utsuho.”  Yukari smiled slightly.  “Not clever enough, unfortunately, but impressive enough to earn _some_ respect.” 

    Rin still smiled, but her tails and eyes were less lively now.

    “If her opinion is so unimportant,” Satori said, “then why were you concerned with what Orin had to say, and why haven’t you killed Okuu already?”

    Utsuho tried to clasp her hands, but she was still wielding her control rod.  “I’m really sorry about hurting your friends, Miss Lady, and I really wanna make it up to them.  You can’t be a bad lady ‘cause you care about them like Miss Satori cares about me and Orin.”

    Yukari closed her eyes.  “I take it their bothersome intelligence is your doing?”

    “I spend a great deal of my time reading to my pets,” Satori said, “and answering any subsequent questions.”

    Utsuho nodded.  “Miss Satori uses that word a lot, 'subsequent.'  I sorta know what it means.  Miss Satori uses a lot of big words, and teaches them to everyone, even me!”

    “She seems to have taught you more than that,” Yukari said.  “You seem more useful to me alive than dead, but I’ll need confirmation before I make a final decision.  Let us see how Miss Kaenbyou’s gambit plays out.”

    Yukari turned her head, and a gap opened where she was facing. On the other end of the gap was a buffet table set up with one of everything, except room for anything else.  Sitting behind it was Yuyuko, in the middle of chewing on something while about to mark the Sunday crossword she held in one hand with the pen in the other.

    Yuyuko looked up at Yukari, appropriately surprised.  “Mmmhn?”

    Satori tried to read her mind, but found the gap blocked that as well.

    Yukari smirked.  “I’m sorry for interrupting your…late luncheon or early afternoon tea, dear, but I need your opinion on an important matter.”

    Yuyuko swallowed, and put down her pan and crosswords.  “Guests?  I certainly have enough food.  Hello, Orin!”  Yuyuko waved in greeting, which Rin return cheerfully.

    Yukari ignored this.  “More seriously, a matter of life and death, namely hers.”  She pointed with her parasol.  “This is Utsuho Reiuji, apparently the reincarnated Yatagarasu by Kanako’s machinations.  She almost burned all of Gensokyo, intending to leave nothing but glass, ash, and corpses, the latter she’d consume.”

    Yuyuko smiled.  “If you’re asking if I’m interested, I’ll have to decline.”  She tilted her head a bit.  “I do apologize, but I’ve never enjoyed anthropophagy.  It’s nothing personal, save for my personal culinary preferences, so I hope you all will understand.” 

    Satori could only stare incredulously

    Yukari kept her eye from twitching.  “Utsuho’s motives were varied at best: the Yatagarasu’s monomania, a hell raven’s hunger, avenging her mistress, sharing her beloved home with the surface-”

    Utsuho raised her free hand.  “Oh, and I wanted to see if it would make a pretty puddle like those crayons I melted.”

    “Furthermore,” Yukari said, expression now neutral, “Reimu and Marisa were afflicted with radiation poisoning.  Thankfully, they are being healed as we speak.”

    Yuyuko still smiled, but faintly.  “So very good to know they’ll be all right, and that nothing was really damaged.”

    Yukari wasn’t smirking anymore.  “If some madwoman was going to detonate a nuclear bomb in the Hirokawa Temple, potentially killing millions of people and causing billions in damages, to say nothing of obliterating priceless historical artifacts, would you be willing to forgive her even if she were genuinely remorseful?”

    Yuyuko stopped smiling as well.  She closed her eyes, thinking silently for several moments.

    Yuyuko opened her eyes, her smile returned.  “Since she won’t seek to destroy Gensokyo again, what would killing her accomplish?”

    “Deterrence,” Yukari said; “she will be made an _example_ out of.”

    “That is a very youkai way of thinking.”

    “A very human one as well.”

    Yuyuko giggled a bit.  “Yet another similarity between human and youkai.  It’s so good they’re working with rather than against each other nowadays, isn’t it?  One less fear our wonderfully robust peasantry has to deal with.  Peasantry really are the greatest wealth and power of any domain.”  She motioned to her table.  “After all, how else would all this wonderful food be grown?  It would certainly be terrible were some disaster to blight our already hard-working farmers.  Winter not ending, for example.”  

    Yukari’s free hand tightened.

    Utsuho was intently watching Yuyuko, while Satori and Rin were watching Yukari just as much.

    Yuyuko continued innocently  “Why, even a month would greatly disrupt the planting of so many crops, to say nothing of taxing food reserves.  Famine is a horribly slow way to die, it just smacks of unfair nature and negligent aristocracy.  Suppose someone were to extend Winter out of thoughtless curiosity.  Would the ruler of such an unfortunate place be entitled to permanently remove the fey perpetrator, lest others consider leniency invitation to cause similar incidents?”

    Yukari, keeping herself from scowling, immediately turned to Utsuho.  “You owe this woman your life, Utsuho.”

    Utsuho sat up, her face lit up in an open-mouthed smile.  “Thank you Miss Lady!  Thank you Miss Yuyuko!”

    Rin was smiling and wagging her tail.  “Yeah, we’ll never forget this!”

    Satori gave a prostrating bow before Yuyuko.  “We are all in your debt, Lady Saigyouji.  My thanks will never be enough, but I give them just the same.”

    Yuyuko clasped her hands.  “Goodness, you three are such wonderful people.  I certainly hope you all will come over for tea with me sometime.  And just call me Yuyuko, “Lady Saigyouji” makes me sound like some storybook noble.  Which reminds me, Satori — may I call you Satori?”  Satori sat up and nodded.  “Oh, good, formality makes socializing difficult.  Since you’re a writer, I hope you’ll be able to discuss literature with me sometime.  I have Yukari for that as well, but I’m always wanting for literati to converse with.  At the very least, we can share what it’s like working for the Yama.”

    “I will do that La- Yuyuko,” Satori said.  “Is there anything in particular that interests you?”

    “Whatever you’ve written to start with,” Yuyuko said.  “I understand you specialize in character psychology?”

    “It’s what I prefer to read and write,” Satori said, “though I’m sorry to admit I’m mostly a ghostwriter by trade.”

    Yuyuko waved that off.  “That only means you need someone to appreciate you work.  You really should think about visiting when you’re not so terribly busy.  Those pets of yours must be a handful.”

    “Some of them assist me.”

    “I know, your darling Rin is so hard-working.”

    “I want to work hard, too,” Utsuho said, “but I’m too- I don’t know how.”

    A gap opened right above Utsuho, clothing dropping on her head.

    Yukari motioned with her free hand.  “This clothing is contaminated.  I believe you have enough control of your powers to cleanse them thoroughly?”

    Utsuho was fumbling to pull the clothes off.  “I think so, Miss Lady.”

    “Yukari, just Yukari.  As a committed anarchist, honorifics outside of formal occasions annoy me.”

    “Be sure to have those clothes done in the next couple of days,” Yuyuko said, “our heroines will need something to wear for the tea party we’ll all be going to.”

    Yukari smirked.  “Before you ask, yes, she means including you three.  It’s become something of a tradition since the Spell Card Rules were established.”

    “So this was all a test?” Satori said.

    “Does it matter at this point?” Yukari said.  “It can be whatever you wish.  I’ve business to attend to, but I’ve one more task for here before I take my leave.” 

    Yukari reached her free hand into a newly opening gap…

    …and reached out of another gap next to Utsuho’s control rod.

    Yukari felt at the control rod’s topology with her supernatural senses, easily finding the recursive five-petaled flower that was the Moriya sigil pressed into the metal.  With a quick manipulation of physical boundaries, Yukari removed Kanako’s mark.

    Yukari pulled her arm out of the gaps.  They snapped shut, and Yukari walked to the gap toward Yuyuko.

    “Goodbye for now, Yukari,” Satori called out.  “I hope we can meet on friendly terms.”

    Yukari chortled.  “If you hope for that then you obviously don’t know me well enough.”

    “Goodbye, everyone,” Yuyuko said, waving.  “I’m afraid there won’t be any sinners to eat at the party, but I’ll be sure to bring plenty of eggs!”

    Utsuho waved back.  “Thanks, Miss Yuyuko!”

    Yukari turned around just before entering her gap, giving Satori and her pets a grin, and a glare.  “Welcome to Gensokyo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nature can recover from ecological disasters, albeit in a changed form, but Utsuho threatened to leave nothing but glass and poison. Yukari would've been understandably upset.
> 
> I also think of Yukari as a sentimentalist in denial.
> 
> Both Satori and Yuyuko do part time work for the Yama, so I think it'd make sense that they'd interact on a business level at least.
> 
> The characterization I went for with Yuyuko is dotty, but intelligent. I've hopefully done her credit.


	3. Ultimate Responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon finding out who was ultimately responsible for Utsuho's actions, Yukari confronts Kanako -- just as the goddess expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic could be alternatively titled "Yukari Verbally Snipes With Everyone."

    The wind rumbled above Youkai Mountain, replenishing the stormcloud as it loudly poured out its rainy substance.  Kanako sat inside, cross-legged, supported and kept dry by divine will.  She breathed steadily, her body showing none of her tension as she readied for an unfriendly visit.

    Kanako produced a sake dish and took a sip, remaining calm as the anticipated gap open in front of her.

    Yukari emerged up to her waist, arms crossed.  “I’ve spoken with the direct instigator of this incident and have permitted her to live.  I’ve yet to render a similar judgment for you.”

    “I assume you have good reason to threaten my life?” Kanako said conversationally, swirling her drink.

    Yukari frowned.  “You _know_ I have good reason, I removed _your_ mark from Utsuho’s control rod.  Your meddling has done more than inconvenience my shrine maiden this time, she’s currently being treated for radiation sickness.”

    Kanako stopped swirling and looked up at Yukari, concerned.  “Weren’t the Spell Card Rules supposed to _prevent_ that?”

    “Only if a duelist knows what she’s doing.  You, however, chose a simpleton of a hell raven to reincarnate the Yatagarasu into.”

    “I good thing I did, or the sun god and its vessel would tear itself, and the surrounding area, apart for control.”

    Yukari was glaring now.  “Utsuho nearly set fire to the surrounding area anyway, by which I mean **_all of Gensokyo._** ”

    Kanako sat silently for a moment.

    “That I did not anticipate,” she said.

    “I suspect you frequently don’t,” Yukari said.  Kanako’s eyes briefly narrowed into slits.  “Now tell me your side of the story, and make it good.”

    Kanako took a breath, and kept herself from hissing.  “I’ll start with the summary then.”  She leaned back a bit, smiling slightly.  “Gensokyo’s burgeoning industrial base needs energy, and the ambient waste energy from the Outside will run out in a few decades.  I used the Yatagarasu to create a clean energy source that will meet Gensokyo’s needs.”

    Yukari scrunched her face a bit.  “What industrial base?  The Kappa are alchemists-turned-tinkerers, and the Tengu merely trade with the Kappa.”

    “That is where you’ll finally have your excuse to eliminate me.  I’m going to _promote_ industrialization and become the goddess of technological innovation, thereby able to survive in the very secular paradigm that made Gensokyo a necessity.”  It was all Kanako could do to not grin.

    It was all Yukari could do not to panic.

    “You’re not just a threat, you’re a madwoman,” Yukari said.  “The Outside’s paradigm is more poisonous to youkai then any nuclear radiation.”

    Kanako laid out her palm.  “What would a serpent like me be if not venomous...but you exaggerate.  The current paradigm is based on empirical evidence,” Kanako leaned forward a bit, “which you’re more than capable of providing right now by sharing a few magic tricks with the Amazing Randi.  However, that _would_ mean that China Minmetals may well figure out who’s been skimming from their production, worth far more than a simple million-dollar prize.”

    “Don’t presume I think like you,” Yukari spat.  “If a village of a couple thousand humans with primitive weapons and elementary magic can fend off youkai, imagine what nearly seven billion with firearms can do.”

    “My point is that disbelief, not rationalism, is what makes the Outside unlivable for youkai.”  Kanako took another sip.

    “Your rationalism would have my youkai working in assembly lines, something _humans_ find unlivable.”

    Kanako shrugged.  “Only because that despot Ford saw them as interchangeable parts.  I prefer Krupp’s management; happy workers are devoted workers.”

    “All the better to glory their goddess,” Yukari said contemptuously.

    “Isn’t symbiosis what I’m supposed to be doing?  The people of Gensokyo will always have faith in _you_ , if that’s what you’re worried about.”

    “I’m a youkai, I don’t need faith.”

    “No, though I’ve been told that there’s no real difference between youkai and gods.”

    Yukari answered with an even, stony stare

    Kanako smirked.  “Not curious about my source?”

    Yukari’s face didn’t change.  “I was supposed to respond to your babbling?”

    “Or pretend it doesn’t concern you, likely replying with another threat.”

    A flick of her hand, and Yukari’s fan snapped open from nowhere.  “Come to think of it, you’ve been babbling the whole time.”  She pointed her fan at Kanako.  “Tell me why I can’t have you simply eliminated?”

    “A goddess is sustained by faith, and I doubt even you are willing to murder my worshippers.”

    Yukari began to smile.  “I wouldn’t need to, I’d just seal you in an impermeable boundary, utterly cut off from both space and faith.  Yes, you _could_ physically survive for a long while, but your mind will shortly begin to break down.”  Yukari leaned forward, smiling more, as Kanako’s breath hastened.  “Given how you think on human timescales, it should be a month at most before you degrade yourself before me in terrified submission.”

    A forked tongue slid across Kanako’s smile.

    “If you know what me and Suwako get up to, and I know how you like to watch, you’d know I’d enjoy that too much, so you won’t be doing that either.”  Kanako was grinning; both at her lurid fantasy, and Yukari’s disgusted grimace.  “Don’t look at me like that, you flew right into that one.  More seriously, I can think of a few reasons you’ll let me be.”

    Yukari fanned herself calmly.  “Which I can rebut instantly.”

    Kanako’s smile was calm now.  “Let’s start with the most immediate and practical, the closest thing you have to a job.  Gensokyo is essentially a wildlife preserve, and you the environment manager.”

    “I’ll admit to protecting Gensokyo from the likes of you, yes.”

    “Ah, but you need the likes of me to maintain a healthy ecology.”

    Yukari continued fanning.  “I’m stopping you right there.  Youkai have a single food source, and that is humanity’s fear.”

    “Yes, they’re dependent on humanity for belief, and a lessened diversity will bore humanity into indifference.”

    Yukari observed an unremarkable storm cloud reshape itself.  “Essentially true, and I fail to see how you factor into this.  You’re a goddess, not a youkai, and your interaction with them has been to squat on a mountaintop and demand worship.”

    “I _ask_ for worship, and I’m not a jealous, monogamous goddess-”

    “Simply a greedy one.  You’re fooling neither of us, and boring _me_ , the latter being almost as dangerous as threatening Gensokyo.  Furthermore, you operate on a different ecology: youkai need belief, while gods need faith.”

    “Belief and faith are essentially the same thing,” Kanako said, “and one of the foundations of the claim of gods and youkai being the same.  That leads to the second reason you’ll want to keep me around,” Kanako’s smile became ever so predatory; “when _she_ returns, you’ll want her to have a potential rival.”

    Yukari’s fanning sped up just a bit.  “I have no idea who you’re talking about, so that argument’s failed right there.”

    Kanako chuckled.  “If not _her_ , then how about the woman who almost certainly thwarted your invasion of the Lunar Capital?  Or the girl who thwarted herself attempting the same?”

    “The vampire is content to play in her mansion all night, and Eirin is in exile.”

    “You let Lady Scarlet regulate Gensokyo’s economy, and Lady Yagokoro is still revered by the Lunarians.”

    “What would you know about the Lunarians’ opinions?”

    “Enough not to reveal my sources.”  Kanako leaned forward, hand resting on her knee.  “The point is, the more ambitious women there are in Gensokyo, the more we’re competing with each other and not you.”

    Yukari looked in Kanako’s direction.  “Until you all ally against me.”

    “For what reason?  We all find Gensokyo very accommodating, so greed can’t be the reason.”

    “I’m sure you’d find it more accommodating were you in charge.”

    “I want the _faith_ of youkai, not their dependency.”

    Yukari rolled her eyes.  “You obviously don’t want responsibility.”

    “Which is why we’ve no plans to usurp you,” Kanako said in a friendly tone.

    “Until a better alternative arrives.”

    “Quite bold to imply there is one out there.”

    Yukari scowled a bit.  “I was speaking rhetorically.”

    “Then rhetorically speaking, what would such a rival be like?”  Kanako leaned her head to the side, propping it on her fist.  “What could she give youkai that you aren’t already?  What could youkai want that they don’t already have?”

    “Since you’re a megalomaniac who’s asking rhetorical questions, why don’t you just give me the answers and be done with it?”

    “I’ll let your continuing bad attitude pass since you’ve had a rough day.”  Kanako leaned back and took a long sip, glancing at Yukari the while.  “Youkai want societal integration, and this purely hypothetical potential rival will promise them that.”

    Yukari stopped fanning, snorted, and broke out in contemptuous laughter.  Kanako did nothing for a moment, then took another sip, eyes closed.

    Yukari sneered.  “You’re getting more ridiculous by the second.  Youkai want meat and terror.”

    “So who are these scary monsters now in humanity’s image, trading with them?”  Kanako pointed at Yukari with her dish.  “That’s the main reason you won’t do anything to me: you’ve gone soft.”  Yukari’s eyes narrowed.  “I have too, as has the rest of the world.  Even Lady Hieda acknowledges it.”

    Yukari resumed fanning.  “Her so-called chronicle is less of a guidebook than a general overview, and her scholarship is questionable.”

    Kanako smirked.  “Yes, she even admits to _exaggerating_ the frightfulness of youkai, beings supposedly based on human fears.  Why would she need to?  Why would she compromise her work on request?  _Who_ compromised her?”

    “More importantly, what answers do you already have this time?”

    Kanako shrugged.  “None, I’m afraid, only suspicions.  But youkai have changed.  Tengu don’t have beaks, kappa don’t have shells, you don’t-”

    “Get to the point.”

    “Youkai with more than superficially-monstrous traits are becoming a minority.”

    Yukari snapped her fan shut.  “Youkai in general are becoming _extinct_ , and integration’s a major part of that!”  She pointed her fan t Kanako, looking her in the eye.  “You know what’s happening with the tanuki in the Outside; they’ve gone from fat and happy youkai to fat and miserable salarymen, utterly forgetting what they are.”

    Kanako nodded.  “They’re having to hide what they are because of disbelief, and Gensokyo doesn’t have that problem.  Neither should the world, but there are those billions with guns.”

    “To say nothing of collective disbelief.”

    Kanako shrugged.  “Which is easily remedied, more so if the supernatural are seen as friendly.”

    Yukari closed her eyes.  “How degrading.”

    “If you scoff at a kinder, gentler world so much, why am I invited to that tea party in a few days hence?”  Kanako smiled, and took another sip.

    Yukari answered with a quiet stare.

    “You yourself said I knew well why you came to threaten me,” Kanako said.  “Wouldn’t that imply I’ve sensed everything said in Utsuho’s presence?”

    Yukari snapped open her fan, and covered her lower face.  “Maybe you’re not invited.”

    Kanako chuckled.  “As if I can’t invite myself.  Getting back to my point, why are you so willing to play along with the Spell Card Rules?”

    “Because when humanity is threatened enough, they become angered rather than terrified.”

    “So your permissiveness is an act of desperation then.”

    Yukari peered at the storm clouds over her waving fan.  “Your obvious baiting misses the point of what I do and why.  What I want is to preserve the diversity and integrity of youkai.  Why I execute a specific plan, or _person_ , has the same answer.”

    Kanako smiled.  “There’ll thankfully be no executions today, or hopefully any day.  Gensokyo’s too small, I’m too big, and we’re too connected for that.  Killing me would be such a social hassle, and if you really wanted to punish me, you would have threatened Sanae.”

    Yukari stopped fanning, looking confused.  “Why would I target a stupid child for the sins of her mother?”

    A forked tongue flicked through Kanako’s now less friendly smile.  “That’s the kindest thing you’ve said to me all day.”

    Yukari looked at Kanako, cocking an eyebrow.  “Surely you didn’t take me for being one of those damned Confucian Legalists.”

    Kanako’s expression was curious now.  “Those are two different philosophies.”

    Yukari frowned.  “Left and right are two different fists of the same authoritarianism.”

    “Says the woman who threatened to kill me earlier.”

    “You, and _just_ you.  _Individuals_ are responsible for their negligence, _not_ their families.”

    Kanako smiled.  “It’s relieving that at least the Moriya Faith’s honor would have been preserved in the worst case.”

    Yukari fanned herself again.  “I wouldn’t go that far, your institution’s dubious to begin with, but your family would be able to mourn unmolested.”

    Kanako leaned her head on her hand.  “As it is now, I seem suspiciously unmolested now.  Am I to be in your debt?”

    “I was planning on just having you pay my shrine maiden and her companion’s medical bills, but now that you mention it,” Yukari lowered her fan and smirked, “a future favor would be much more valuable.”

    Kanako frowned.  “So that’s the reason you’re letting me live: I’m more useful to you alive than dead.”

    Yukari shrugged.  “I find the simplest reasons are the best.”

    Kanako took a long sip.

    Then smiled.

    “However,” Kanako said, “what can I do for you that wouldn’t also benefit myself as well?”

    Yukari’s eye almost twitched.  “We’ll both find out when the time comes.  I did say earlier that you failed to understand me, and you always shall.”

    With that, Yukari sank into her gap, closing it behind her.

    Kanako was along in her rumbling storm again, with only the calming ambiance of the wind and rain to listen to.

     _That was an obvious attempt at saving face.  Still, she’ll no doubt find something for me to do._

     _That, thankfully, will be much later.  I can focus on what to do about that Satori.  No doubt she’ll be more unreasonable than that fey sage._

    Kanako took another sip of her sake, sitting in the sky, alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't help but feel that this chapter is just expository dialog in a blank field leading nowhere. I also think I overused dialogue tags.
> 
>  
> 
> And now, some notes:
> 
> James Randi offers a million dollars to whoever can offer objective proof of the supernatural. If Yukari can open gaps Outside, she can show off a few portal tricks and win herself a chunk of change.
> 
> China Minmetals is China's largest producer of rare earths. Think of them as vitamins for electronics. Forget gold, these are the real precious metals.
> 
> My headcanon for Kanako would read like something GRRM would write, at least for the earlier years. She's much lighter and softer now. :)


	4. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shortly before Reimu and Marisa wake up from their recovery, Aya interviews Eirin about what happened.
> 
> And then everyone has tea.

    It was nearly three days later in the bare room Eirin used as an impromptu medical bay.  Murmuring from just outside added to the ambient noise of the medical pods’ humming and gurgling.

    Aya looked down at the pod Reimu was recovering in.  No glee or lust colored the reporter’s face as she just held her camera and gazed upon the heroine who should have been dead.

    Eirn stood a meter away, looking at Aya with bored patience.  “Their time before recovery is limited, Miss Shameimaru.  Take your pictures and proceed with the interview.”

    Aya snapped a picture of Reimu.  “So they’ll be okay?”

    Eirin smiled.  “You know who I am.”

    Aya took a picture of Marisa through the medical pod. “I’m just concerned!”  She stood back a few meters from the pods and shot both of them.  “I mean, one moment, I’m getting a great live feed, news right as it happens!  The next?”  Aya waved her hand and made fire noises.  “That scary oni’s getting concerned, that scary…whatever Yukari is gets all serious, and all I’m left to talk to is that boring girlfriend of Marisa’s.”  Aya photographed the pods from a different angle.

    “What about the other two Miss Kirisame was communicating with?”  Eirin said.

    “Patchouli was too busy, and I couldn’t understand what Nitori was babbling about.”  Aya continued on the pods.  “Then Yukari comes back and tells me my feathers’ll fall out if I visit here too soon.  Then she explains why.”  Aya turned to Eirin.  “I got my story, that’s for sure.”

    “How did it sell?”

    Aya rolled her eyes and shrugged.  “The usual: Reimu saves the world again, nobody cares.”

    Eirin nodded sadly.  “There are plenty just outside who do, at least.”

    Aya frowned, remembering one of her earlier stories.  “Tell me, can this medical miracle machine cure her depression?”

    Eirin put a finger on her chin.  “It technically could, though I’ve refrained from any neurological alteration.”

    Aya scrunched her face.  “Yeah, you’re gonna have to explain any big words you use with me.  For the readers’ sake, of course!”

    Eirin smiled.  “Don’t worry, I’ll explain all the terminology I use.  The one I just used, _neurological_ , refers to the brain, the major organ that fills the upper half of the skull.  Altering that would alter one’s soul.”

    Aya’s mouth hung open.  Her eyes stared wide, blinking rapidly.  “ **Wow.**   You can **do** that?”

    Eirin crossed her arms and nodded. “Anyone trained in nanosurgery, and with the proper equipment can.”

    Aya extended her arm at Eirin, rolling her hand. “And the Yama hasn’t struck you down _why?_ ”

    “Explanation would be best for another interview.  The short answer is I haven’t angered her.”

    “Yet.”

    “So what other questions do you have?”

    Aya blinked.  “Wait, we’re doing the interview now?”

    Eirin shrugged.  “It needn’t be so formal.”

    “Right, of course.”  Aya got out her notepad and pencil.  “Anyway, the questions.  How did your involvement in this affair begin?”  Aya’s voice was calm and professional now.

    “Yukari arrived via portal to inform me that Miss Hakurei and Miss Kirisame were severely poisoned by radiation,” Eirin said.  “Did Yukari explain the details to you?”

    “She said it was poisonous energy.”

    “Essentially true, but an oversimplification,” Eirin said.  “Energy is made of physical particles, as is all life.  Too many energy particles will damage life particles, leading to life forms rapidly malfunctioning.  That’s also an oversimplified explanation, but much more accurate.”

    Aya scribbled away.  “Since youkai are made from human belief, wouldn’t we be resistant or even immune to radiation?”

    “No,” Eirin said, “youkai aren’t immune.  The current paradigm of natural causation that has created disbelief in youkai has modified them into mostly biological beings, particularly the species that were physically and psychologically humanoid to begin with.  Youkai are tougher than humans, certainly, but you all have the same weaknesses.”

    Aya continued writing for several moments before finishing.  She did nothing for several more moments, shock catching up to her.

    Aya spoke again.  “How long did Reimu have to live?”

    “A day at most,” Eirin said plainly, “with much of it being in helpless pain.  I estimate a tengu would last a week, spending the last six days envying the dead.”

    Aya forced her mind calm as she took notes.  “So…since this was potentially lethal, doesn’t that mean the instigator of this incident disregarded the Spell Card Rules?”

    “No, she just didn’t use them properly.  That won’t be a problem ever again.”

    “How can you be sure?”

    “Because Yukari was actually concerned for Reimu,” Eirin said, still a bit surprised, “though she claimed purely pragmatic reasons to save face.  I could elaborate, but this interview isn’t about Yukari.”

     _Translation: don’t probe into political matters,_ Aya thought.  “Gotcha.  So Yukari gaps our heroines over here and you put them in these…” Aya looked at the medical pods “…things here, right?”

    “They undressed and stepped into the general-purpose biomechanical alteration apparati, but your summary is essentially correct.”

    Aya stopped her note taking, and held up her palm for Eirin to stop.  “Ugh.  Okay, you are going to have to tell me how this kappatech works in a way I can understand.”

    “This isn’t the Kappa’s thaumaturgical artifice, but your incomprehension is understandable.  What these-”

    “Is there a _short_ term for them?”

    “Medical pods,” Eirin said, unperturbed by the interruption.  “What they do is take life apart at the atomic level and put it back together.  Explaining the term _atomic_ with satisfying precision would go beyond the scope of this interview, so I’ll present an analogy.”  Aya gave a nod for Eirin to continue.  “Imagine a sand painting with only five types of sand, but every possible color as a result of sand blending.  That’s what life is like.  To change the shape and colors of that painting, I’d have to rearrange every grain of sand.”

    Aya jerked her head up. “Y-your altering life itself!  That’s the domain of the gods!  Are machines even _allowed_ to do this?!”

    Eirin held out her palm.  “Admittedly, I occasionally bypass physical laws when abiding by their restrictions would be inefficient or inconvenient, but humanity should be able to manufacture a close approximation of this technology within a few centuries.”

    Aya jotted that down, then stood in shock as she remembered the Lunar Capital Expo she covered in late Season 120.  She remembered her skeptical bordering on dismissal regarding the exhibits. Then, she felt they were novelties at best.  Now, not only was she seeing them in use, she knew the extent of their usefulness.

     _Humans with the powers of the gods…and why haven’t the Lunarians used this to, well, **everything?**_ Aya thought _.  So many questions._

    “I really, _really_ need to interview you about this,” Aya said.  “About everything.”

    Eirin gave a calm smile and nodded.  “That will have to be separate from this one.”

    Aya was still on instinct, eyes flicking about.  “Yeah…  Yeah…  So…” Her gaze settled on the medical pods, “How’d our heroines take being put in these things?”

    Eirin shook her head.  “Miss Hakurei _really_ does not like machines, but Miss Kirisame possessed a healthy curiosity about my technology.  My patients were quickly sedated so we had little opportunity to interact.”

    “Guess I’ll have to write about the tech stuff then,” Aya lamented, hoping for more personal details.  She looked back down and continued with her notepad.  “Now that you know the bodies of our heroines better than anyone else, what interesting things have you learned?”

    Eirin smirked.  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think this a prurient tabloid question.”

    Aya looked up. “Huh?”  She quickly shook her head.  “Nonononono!  I’m not thinking about sex for once, there’s too much… _else_ to think about.” _The possible end of the world, the beginning of a new one…_   “I’m asking about medical stuff.”

    “I know,” Eirin said; “I was just letting you know to be more careful with words.  You are a journalist, after all.”  Aya gave a nervous chuckle.  “To answer your question, Miss Kirisame and especially Miss Hakurei have shown to be medically interesting.”  Aya went back to her notes.

    Eirin continued to explain.  “Anatomically, Miss Kirisame is relatively mundane.  Her cardiovascular system’s healthy; her body fat percentage is in the low teens, her musculature experiences mild but regular use, and so forth.  Unfortunately, she’s accumulated mild amounts of every mycological poison available to preindustrial chemistry.”

    “Mai-ko…?”

    “Fungus poisons.  Ironically, and thankfully, I found no heavy metals in her body, which means she can actually comprehend laboratory safety.  When she’s released from my care, I’m going to tell her why she shouldn’t be so utterly reckless in her alchemical research.  At her current rate, she wouldn’t have made it to her sixth decade.”

    “Why do you think she’s reckless if she knows about safety?”

    “I can look at the map of her brain I made and tell you exactly what she was thinking.”

    Aya shocked face snapped up again.  “Those things can read minds too?!”

    “Yes,” Eirin said with a nod and smile, “which is why I’m going to respect Miss Kirisame’s privacy.  You’ll have to ask her directly about her motivations.”

    Aya let out a breath.  “I sure will.  You’re giving me a **lot** of stories to work with.”

    “You’re quite welcome, slow news days make for boring reading.”

    Aya smiled.  “You read my paper?”

    “You can be informative, and I read fast anyway for the times when you’re not.”

    “That’s…better than I usually get.”

    “If it helps, the Princess actually likes the personal interest articles.”

    “Why thank you, she’s quite welcome to them!”

    “Let’s get back to Miss Kirisame’s medical details,” Eirin said.  Aya went back to her notes.  “In addition to accumulated mycotoxins, constant fume inhalation caused her moderate anosmia, impaired sense of smell, which may explain her hygiene…”

    “Which these things here also detected?”

    “Yes.  Furthermore, Miss Kirisame inherited her family’s propensity toward heart failure.”

    “Wait, her _family’s?_ ”  Aya slowly looked up.  “You know this much, _how?_ ”

    “You’ll want to rephrase your question for clarity when you publish your story,” Eirin said.  “To answer it, however, I’ve taken the liberty of analyzing the genomes, the life blueprints, of as many residents of Gensokyo as possible.  I currently have the entire human population in my library.”

    Aya flinched back.  “Whoa, isn’t that somehow violating everyone’s privacy?”

    “Only if I disclose the data.”  Eirin tilted her head a bit.  “Since when have you cared?”

    Aya’s eyes narrowed.  “ _Not the point_ , and you just told me about Marisa’s…gen-thingy.”

    “Genetic predisposition, which I believe you’re ethical enough not to publish.  It’s not an issue now since I corrected it.”

    Aya rolled her eyes up.  “Oh, that doesn’t sound sinister _at all._ ”

    Eirin looked Aya in the eye.  “I removed any chance that Miss Kirisame’s heart will suddenly stop when she’s in human middle age.”  She held up a finger.  “I also removed any chance of her cells multiplying uncontrollably, taking over her body and causing it to painfully fail.”  She raised another.  “Only violence or disease will keep her from living approximately 120 years.”

    Aya’s curiosity got the better of her.  “Why that specific length?”

    “That’s when her cells run out of telomere length and become unable to healthily divide.”

    Aya held up her palm.  “Lemme see if I can figure this out myself.  I sorta understand cells, Sanae showed me a leaf under a microscope once.  They’re like building blocks for life, right?”

    “Correct, though they’re made up of yet smaller building blocks.”

    “I figured.  Now these te-ro-me-as are like cassette tapes, except they get a bit shortened whenever they’re copied, right?”

    “As good an analogy as any for your readership, yes.”

    Aya perked up.  “Thanks.  Now, where were we…?”

    “You were going on a tangent regarding the ethics of my data collection and medical procedures.  That general topic will have to wait for a separate interview, but I will answer any questions relating to Miss Hakurei or Miss Kirisame.”

    Aya looked to the pods.  “All right, since you like to tinker all kappa-like with people’s life parts without their permission, why didn’t you do _more_ with Marisa?”

    “I really shouldn’t need someone’s permission to save someone’s life,” Eirin huffed, “which I did in at least three different ways for Miss Kirisame.  The people of Gensokyo have no idea how medically privileged they are-”

    Aya rubbed her temple.  “Answer the specific question.”

    “First, she’d probably get as indignant as you.  Second, magicians prefer to be in control of their own bodily modification, and I wanted to respect that.  Do you have any other questions about Miss Kirisame’s medical anomalies?”

    “Not for this interview.  Let’s move on to Reimu’s.”

    “Definitely,” Eirin said pleasantly, “Miss Hakurei’s biology is quite interesting.”  Eirin patted Reimu’s pod.  “First is her obvious physicality: athletic and very lean, like a rabbit.”

    Aya looked at Reimu through the pod shell, calm enough now to appreciate the fit shrine maiden.  “I can barely see her through all the goop she’s in, but she looks…fleshier than I remember.”

    “In addition to radiation sickness, Miss Hakurei suffered from mild, but chronic malnutrition.  It’s a wonder she even had breasts.  I took the liberty of providing her with just enough body fat to maintain optimal health and beauty.”

    “Wait, beauty?  Not that Reimu’s looking bad, but women don’t usually associate fat with beauty.”

    “Most women can’t maintain an athletic physique on one-to-two meals a day, nor should they do so unless they’re posthuman magicians.  Her ancestral orb was practically life support!”  Eirin took a breath to compose herself.  “That aside, Miss Hakurei is a genetic marvel.  While her entire genome is wild type, every one of her genes is as optimal as humanly possible,” Eirin said with admiration.  “Statistically, it should be _im_ possible for perfection like this to naturally occur.”

    “It obviously did occur.  How do you think it did?”

    “In spite of evidence to the contrary, the term ‘wild type’ means _no_ genetic modification, I suspect somebody appropriated some of my diagnosis equipment and selectively bred the Hakurei lineage.”

    Aya remembered her pad, and began taking notes again.  “That raises a lot of questions I don’t know how to ask yet.”

    “How did she know enough about genetics to not only make selective human breeding work,” Eirin said, “but produce an ideal specimen with no markers of inbreeding or direct modification?  How did she manage the diverse breeding population required for this ideal result?”

    “Why did someone that skilled go through all that trouble when she could have gotten the same result for less work?” Aya added.

    “The answer to that’s obvious,” Eirin said, “the Hakurei lineage needs to be natural.  The reason could be that a synthetic lineage could interfere with one’s ability to interact with the Kami, but I’ll need experimental data before I discover a certain conclusion.”

    “And I’ll need to end this interview.” 

    Aya and Eirin turned to Yukari, partway through her gap, resting her head in her hands.

    “Our guests of honor are about to wake up,” Yukari said, “and they’ll want some privacy while getting dressed.  You’re free to interview them when they join the festivities.”

    Eirin mentally interfaced with the medical pods-

     _Reassembly complete.  Patients are now in active life support._

    -and cursed Yukari’s perfect timing.  _Begin awakening protocols,_ she transmitted.

    Aya slumped.  “Aw, but they never wanna interview me.”

    Yukary gently smiled.  “They certainly won’t want to interview you in the nude, even without your infamous wandering eyes.”

    “I can’t see why they don’t like showing off their bodies,” Aya said, “especially Reimu.”  Her eyes began to glaze in lust.

    Eirin turned to Aya.  “I’m sorry we need to cut this short, Miss Shameimaru, but I enjoyed answering your questions.”  Eirin smiled.  “I look forward to our next interview.”

    “Thanks!  When’ll that be?”

    “Nice try,” Eirin said gently, “but you need to go now.”

    Aya aw’d as she turned and left.  The ambient chatter outside quickly got louder when she slid open the panel, then immediately ceased when she closed it, only the whirring and slurping of the medical pods could be heard.

    Yukari turned to Eirin.  “As you can hear, or can’t, we now have complete privacy to talk.”

    “Good.”  Eirin’s face hardened.  “You need to take better care of Miss Hakurei!”  Eirin motioned to the pods.  “I had to fix more than-”

    Yukari rolled her eyes.  “I watched the entire interview.”

    “Fine, then here’s what needs done.  First, make sure Miss Hakurei is properly nourished.  She’s to have no less than three meals a day!”  Eirin held three fingers in Yukari’s face.

    Yukari turned away.  “I’m not her mother.”

    Eirin walked in front of Yukari, stooping to look her in the eye.  “You’re the closest she has to one now, which brings me to her psychological needs.  Without Miss Kirisame, she, _and your Hakurei Barrier_ , would have collapsed years ago.”

    “The gratitude of youkai isn’t enough for her?”

    Eirin shook her head sadly.  “She’s been socialized to shun it.  Gensokyo’s human culture is pathological-”

    “Says the woman who couldn’t do any better.  Human society _everywhere_ is pathological.”

    Eirin sighed.  “My point is that you need to give Miss Hakurei more affection than cryptic instruction.”

    Yukari scowled.  “Reimu is not my daughter or even my pet, she is my shrine maiden and a vital means to my end of-”

    “Save face with me all you want, **_I_** can survive the Hakurei Barrier collapsing.  The chances your experiment can do the same are nonexistent unless the nature of youkai changes.”

    “Then won’t really be youkai, will they?”

    “Life evolves, it changes-”

    “You were speaking of intelligent design.”

    “I wasn’t, but-” Eirin smiled, “that does sound like a good idea.”

    “I won’t have you experimenting on my youkai.”

    Eirin leaned close enough to identify the wine Yukari recently, and heavily, drank.  “I won’t, but I’ll be watching whoever does.”

    Yukari held her arm out at the pods.  “I believe Reimu and her friend are due to wake up now.  Are we going to properly prepare the machines, or are they going to have to climb out of the glop?”

    Eirin turned to the pods as they tilted from a prone to an upright position.  “My timing is as good as yours.”

    -beep beedoolybeep beep beedoolybeedoolybeeep-

    Yukari looked at Eirin incredulously.  Eirin smiled sweetly.  “I think it’s cute,” she said.

    Yukari and Eirin turned to the pods as their fronts slid open, revealing Reimu and Marisa’s nude, gently breathing forms.  The heroines mumbled as their standing posture woke them.

    Reimu was the first to open her eyes.  She flicked her eyes back and forth, moved her head a bit to look around, and promptly dashed out of the pod.  She assumed a battle stance, her head on a swivel.  She stopped when she saw Yukari, positioning her body to face her.

    “I figured you’d be peeping on me,” Reimu said.  “Now where’re my clothes?”

    A gap opened above Reimu, dumping her garments on her head. “Hello to you too, Reimu,” Yukari said.

    Marisa continued to lounge in her pod.  “Hey, this is kinda comfy, yeah?  Can I stay in here a while longer?”

    Yukari smirked.  “But you’ll miss seeing Reimu naked~.”

    Marisa jumped out of her pod immediately as Reimu swore.  She looked around to see Reimu facing away from her, pulling the clothes off her head.

    Marisa’s gaze focused on Reimu’s buttocks, shapely from just the right amount of muscle and fat.  “I’ve died an’ gone to Heaven, and this is my reward…”

    Eirin and Yukari looked on appreciatively as well, albeit with more self-control.

    Reimu whipped around to face Marisa.  “Stop ogling me, damn you!”

    Reimu covered her breasts and groin, but not her abs, which Marisa was blatantly staring at, dumbly smiling in lust.  “I can’t, you’re too beautiful!”

    A dark purple dress falling all over Marisa’s head interrupted her lust.  “As amusing as this is,” Yukari said, “we shouldn’t keep our guests waiting any longer.”

    Reimu picked up her clothes and hauled them to a spot placing the pods between her and Marisa.  “Another post-victory party?” Reimu said.

    “You did win,” Yukari said.

    Marisa slipped on her dress.  “Everything smells really weird, y’know?”

    “You can actually smell now,” Eirin said.  Her internal Geiger counter detected nothing on the clothing. “Miss Reiuji did an amazing job with decontamination.”

    “And she figured it out faster than Patchouli did,” Yukari said.

    Eirin smirked.  “I heard when you taunted Miss Patchouli with that fact, and I saw the look on your face when she was impressed.”

    Marisa pulled on her socks now.  “That’s Patchy for ya’, eh?”

    “That hell raven’s going to be there too?” Reimu called out her spot.

    “Of course,” Yukari said, “she wants to be friends now.  You have a very ironic way of making them.”

    “Wish the humans would appreciate me like this,” Reimu grumbled.

    “Humanity has always been superstitious; while that does cause unwarranted shunning, it does maintain belief in youkai.”

    “That’s old-fashioned thinking and you know it,” Eirin said.

    “ _You’re_ one to talk,” Yukari sniped.

    Eirin and Yuakri went silent for a bit, then turned to Marisa as she attentively listened.

    “What?  You were gettin’ interestin’, y’know?”

    Yukari languidly waved at marisa.  “I think you should finish lacing your boots.”

    Marisa sullenly obeyed.  “You’re all a buncha teases.  You two won’t let me in on your secret lore, Reimu won’t let me check out her hot body-”

    Reimu, now fully dressed, stepped out from behind the pods.  “Yukari, where’s my gohei?  I’m gonna poke her.”  A gap opened next to Reimu, half of her gohei emerging.  Reimu quickly pulled it out and tromped to Marisa.

    Marisa shot up and pushed her palms toward Raimu. “Whoa, hey!  That thing’s pointy-” Reimu jabbed Marisa in the breast. “Ow!  I think you bruised me!”  Marisa turned to Yukari.  “Don’t I get my broom?  I need to defend myself!”

    Yukari waved her arm, and the door panel slid open.  “Take it outside, you two.”

    Reimu and Marisa stopped their fighting, and turned to face the stunned crowd on the other end. 

    The first people their perceptive eyes fell on was Utsuho, mouth open as she seemed about to answer something for Aya, who was already staring at the newly recovered heroines.  The other fought denizens of the Underground were surrounding the two.

    The newly recovered heroines looked around and saw every other friend and acquaintance made from past incidents; from House Scarlet in their usual clique, to Cirno’s self-appointed clique interrupted mid-game (though Mystia looked bored), to Kaguya and Mokou on opposite ends.

    That the Moriyas and the Underground folks were also on opposite ends didn’t go unnoticed.

    The crowd quickly recovered, and began chattering unintelligible greetings to the two at once.

    Marisa put her arm over Reimu’s shoulder and gave a hearty wave.  “Hey, everyone!  We missed you all these past…” She turned around to Eirin.  “How long were we out?”

    “Approximately 57 hours and 20 minutes.”

    Marisa did some quick math.  “That’s two-an’-a-half days!  We gotta make up that time, yeah?”  Marisa looked around the room, stopping when her eyes fell on Alice.  “An’ I gotta make out since you’re holdin’ out in me, kay?  Lemme know when you’re in the mood.”  She was about to bother Alice when-

    “Miss Reimu?  Miss Marisa?”

    They looked to see Utsuho kneeling before them.  “Yeah?”  Reimu said.

    Utsuho prostrated herself.  “I’m really sorry about what I did to you too, and what I almost did to Gensokyo.  I’m really sorry, and I won’t do it again.”

    Reimu briefly shrugged.  “Okay.”

    Marisa flashed a grin.  “Sure!”

    Utsuho rose up, looking confused. “Um…”

    “You’re definitely forgiven, Okuu,” Satori said, petting Utsuho’s head.  She looked at Reimu and Marisa. “I’m amazed you two forgive her so quickly, much less at all.”

    Reimu tilted her head.  “I figured that if Yukari didn’t kill you then you didn’t do any lasting harm.”  Utsuho and Satori’s widened.  “What?”

    Marisa ruffled Reimu’s hair.  “Stop scaring the newbies, Reimu, they don’t know how to take it easy yet.  All’s well that end’s well, that’s how it goes here, right?”  Marisa thumbed toward Alice.  “No if y’all excuse me, I gotta get some from my favorite girlfriend or I’ll be lechin’ at Reimu all day, an’ she’ll poke me in the other tit!”

    “You’re a slut,” Satori deadpanned.

    Reimu closed her eyes and shook her head.  “Tell me about it.”

    Marisa just grinned.  “Livin’ the dream.  See ya!”  She waved and left.

    Yukari looked on, watching the crowd.  Alice slapped Marisa, then the two were talking like the best of friends they were.  Reimu and Satori were either talking or arguing about something, it was hard to tell with those two.  Patchouli actually decided to interact, listening attentively to Utsuho discuss nuclear physics.  Then again, the reclusive magician was rather social when her curiosity was aroused.

    Others interacted as well, but Yukari was too busy to care.

     _Have you found them yet?_ She thought to Ran.

     _No geological topology changes in Gensokyo have been found that are attributable to them.  Also, updated knowledge of Gensokyo’s geology is still incomplete,_ Ran replied.

      _Continue searching._

    Yukari felt it would be too much of a coincidence for _her_ to show herself soon after being mentioned by Kanako, but this was a search she’d been neglecting for too long.  She’d rather find out whether or not they were buried in Gensokyo directly, and **_now_** , not during the next incident.

    * * *

    A mouse woman pointed at the ground with an L-shaped metal rod.  “There.”

    A large pink hand reached into the ground and tore out a chunk.  Another such hand clasped with the first, and they carefully rubbed the dirt off a newly revealed wooden chunk.  The chunk floated toward a slowly forming wooden structure.  It stopped, molded itself into an accommodating shape, and melded with the structure.  The wood grain of the new piece shifted to seamlessly with the greater whole.

    A young woman in a sailor outfit patted the growing wooden thing reverently.  “Even shattered, this thing’s built to last.”  She pressed her hand up against it, closed her eyes, and whispered.  “We’ll free you, our love, our holiness, our savior.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In writing Aya, I made a point of keeping in mind that she's a reporter and so would do her best not to ask closed (e.g., yes/no) questions. I'll admit being influenced by Keymaster's depiction in Tengu of (Mis)Fortune. 
> 
> Writing Aya as a reporter was fun, especially when faced with Eirin's moon-tech. I don't think the Tengu have a tradition of speculative fiction. I had fun talking about Eirin's tech. I should probably talk about it, and its ramifications, in another fic.
> 
> I also like speculating on the physiology of Touhou's characters. Reimu's been a fast runner from Highly Responsive to Prayers to Forbidden Scrollery, so she'd have to have a runner's body (though on the lean side given her money troubles).


End file.
